The pursuit of self-awareness

Written by Rukiya Hussun

…It’s taken me years to come to terms with what that meant- the idea that essentially, at a certain point in life, we become ourselves yet remain strangers to ourselves…

Only in the absence of distractions do we completely find ourselves, face ourselves – My mother

Who are we without the things that distract us from thinking about who we actually are? It’s taken me years to come to terms with what that meant. The idea that essentially, at a certain point in life, we become ourselves yet remain strangers to ourselves. It’s an unfathomable yet blunt reality. In retrospect, when was the last time you faced yourself? When was the last time you thought about who you were? What you ACTUALY wanted? Mystified in the matrix of life – we get caught up in a realm that inescapably conditions us to think. Our thoughts become a sort of routine; we start to think how we must, act how we should, and soon our wants convert into responsibilities. Inevitably we lose instinct, we lose the ability to depend on ourselves and we lose a sense a direction because everything becomes mapped out. In acquiescence, life has a tendency to take sharp turns; suddenly at the hands of our circumstances, our routines unravel and the only think that remains is the thirst for self-discovery. Notwithstanding the accuracy of maps, or a GPS (whatever floats your boat) everyone gets lost; however, in this loss, we discover a trail that facilitates the journey back to ourselves.

At first, you will feel hopeless. Without your safety net woven with familiarity, calendars, and alarms – uncertainty will feel like the only thing certain, constant. Every decision will feel heavy and every opportunity will cast a shadow of doubt. Listen to that doubt, the lesson lies beyond its discomfort. You will start to question things, question the people you love, and the reasons you love them. This is normal; again, trust your gut feelings. The hallmark of having a conditioned mind is having conditioned emotions, even conditioned love. Love is sacrificial, it does not sanction, Conditions sanction. Eventually, the people you love will either stand tall with support or falter because of your shortcomings. That is the upside to falling, getting lost- the people who matter will mind, lend a hand, and help you up. Perhaps the beauty of life lies not in the moments that we are comfortable but rather the moments that make us realize what causes that comfort, beauty lives in gratitude. What you must realize is that in moments like these, your weaknesses preclude strength. You must taste bitterness to appreciate sweetness. Suddenly, you will lose sight of all sidetracks and your focus will narrow in on the right direction. This is when self-awareness begins and your weaknesses dissipate. This is where your journey peaks and you are now facing yourself.

Now speaking from heart to heart, not everything you discover when you face yourself will please you. Take your time to trace the curves in your mind and wander in gardens of your thoughts. You must remember to embrace what you view as imperfections. You must always do what feels remarkably good and avoid settling for what is merely good enough to get you by. When it’s all said and done, it’s just you and what you believe in… everything else is noise. Say what you want, say it and speck all that goodness into existence. Act how you feel. Lastly, at the core of everything, learn yourself, discover what you want, and just like the logo… check your mark and just do it.